Taken from one of the forwarded email I received...
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
*****
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied "They will in a minute."
*****
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to honor thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
*****
One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?
*****
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
*****
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
*****
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
欠扁 『问』及 『答』题
Taken from one of the forwarded email I received...
问.：人在什么时候会想喝汽水????
答案 ：孤单的时候
因为......
当你孤单你会想起谁(汽水)!!!!
问 ：蜘蛛侠是什么颜色？
答案 ：是白色！
（S PI DER MAN）
是白的 MAN 嘛！
问 ：请问吳宗憲若打篮球，谁最能守得住他？
答案 ：慈母啰！ 你没听过"慈母手中线，游子身上衣"么？
问 ：什么动物是最色（好色）的？为什么？
答案 ：是无尾熊！因为无尾熊整天抱着树干！
问 ： 请把－西瓜，班长和晚上的英文读出。
答案 ：我的美人摸你的奶！！！！！！（watermelon,monitor,night）
问 ：那个皇帝是瞎的？
答案 ：康熙(can't see)。
问 ：一个洋人夹在两个印度人的中间。你又叫什么？
答案 ：OREO饼干。
问 ：有两个人掉进海。一个叫Alex，另一个叫什么呢？
答案 ：叫救命。
问 ：新加坡有很多外地劳工。来至印度，叫印劳。来至泰国，叫泰劳。
请问在新加坡，哪一劳赚最多钱？？？
答案 ：麦当劳。
问 ：大白和小白是兄弟。小白长得像大白。猜四字。
答案 ：真相大白(真像大白)。
问 ：为何鱼那么聪明？
答案 ：鱼片米粉。
问 ：咸蛋，茶蛋跟臭鸡蛋一起考试。其中一人被指作弊。是谁？
答案 ：咸蛋，因为咸蛋超人=咸蛋抄人。
问 ：Tunku Abdul Rahman骑电单车为什么会被警察捉？
答案 ：因为有三个人。
Tunku,Abdul和Rahman..
问 ：蛋糕跌倒了，是谁鼓励它站起来的？
答案 ：答案是豬
因為朱古力蛋糕
问 ：年轻人和老太婆发身一夜情后，年轻人死了，why?
答案 ：因为他喝了过期的奶!!~~~~
问 ：请问世界上哪个国家最冷？？
答案 ：因为THAILAND（太冷）。。。。。
问 ：七个小矮人偷看白雪公主洗澡。
猜一饮品。
答案 ：7-up
Monday, September 27, 2010
A good joke in Bahasa Melayu
Taken from one of the forwarded email I received...
This is very interesting.
This is a good joke in Bahasa Melayu!
Murid-murid: Selamat pagi, cikgu.
Cikgu:(Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?
Murid-murid: Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!
Cikgu:Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.
Murid-murid: Selamat sejahtera cikgu!
Cikgu: Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?
Murid-murid: Faham, cikgu!
Cikgu: Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.
Murid-murid: (senyap)
Cikgu: Pandai!
Murid-murid: Bodoh!
Cikgu: Tinggi!
Murid-murid: Rendah!
Cikgu: Jauh!
Murid-murid: Dekat!
Cikgu: Keadilan!
Murid-murid: UMNO!
Cikgu: Salah!
Murid-murid: Betul!
Cikgu: Bodoh!
Murid-murid: Pandai!
Cikgu: Bukan!
Murid-murid: Ya!
Cikgu: Oh Tuhan!
Murid-murid: Oh Hamba!
Cikgu: Dengar ini!
Murid-murid: Dengar itu!
Cikgu: Diam!
Murid-murid: Bising!
Cikgu: Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!
Cikgu: Mati aku!
Murid-murid: Hidup kami!
Cikgu: Rotan baru tau!
Murid-murid: Akar lama tak tau!
Cikgu: Malas aku ajar kamu!
Murid-murid: Rajin kami belajar cikgu!
Cikgu: Kamu gila!
Murid-murid: Kami siuman!
Cikgu: Cukup! Cukup!
Murid-murid: Kurang! Kurang!
Cikgu: Sudah! Sudah!
Murid-murid: Belum! Belum!
Cikgu: Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?
Murid-murid: Sebab saya seorang pandai!
Cikgu: Oh! Melawan!
Murid-murid: Oh! Mengalah!
Cikgu: Kurang ajar!
Murid-murid: Cukup ajar!
Cikgu: Habis aku!
Murid-murid: Kekal kami!
Cikgu: O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid-murid: K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!
Cikgu: Sudah, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Belum, pandai!
Cikgu: Berdiri!
Murid-murid: Duduk!
Cikgu: Saya kata UMNO salah!
Murid-murid: Kami dengar KeADILan betul!
Cikgu: Bangang kamu ni!
Murid-murid: Cerdik kami tu!
Cikgu: Rosak!
Murid-murid: Baik!
Cikgu: Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!
Murid-murid: Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
Cikgu: (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)
Sebentar kemudian, loceng pun berdering.
Murid-murid berasa lega kerana guru yang paling ditakuti oleh mereka telah keluar. Walau bagaimanapun, mereka merasa bangga kerana telah dapat menjawab kesemua soalan cikgu tadi, tetapi esok masih ada.
This is very interesting.
This is a good joke in Bahasa Melayu!
Murid-murid: Selamat pagi, cikgu.
Cikgu:(Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?
Murid-murid: Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!
Cikgu:Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.
Murid-murid: Selamat sejahtera cikgu!
Cikgu: Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?
Murid-murid: Faham, cikgu!
Cikgu: Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.
Murid-murid: (senyap)
Cikgu: Pandai!
Murid-murid: Bodoh!
Cikgu: Tinggi!
Murid-murid: Rendah!
Cikgu: Jauh!
Murid-murid: Dekat!
Cikgu: Keadilan!
Murid-murid: UMNO!
Cikgu: Salah!
Murid-murid: Betul!
Cikgu: Bodoh!
Murid-murid: Pandai!
Cikgu: Bukan!
Murid-murid: Ya!
Cikgu: Oh Tuhan!
Murid-murid: Oh Hamba!
Cikgu: Dengar ini!
Murid-murid: Dengar itu!
Cikgu: Diam!
Murid-murid: Bising!
Cikgu: Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!
Cikgu: Mati aku!
Murid-murid: Hidup kami!
Cikgu: Rotan baru tau!
Murid-murid: Akar lama tak tau!
Cikgu: Malas aku ajar kamu!
Murid-murid: Rajin kami belajar cikgu!
Cikgu: Kamu gila!
Murid-murid: Kami siuman!
Cikgu: Cukup! Cukup!
Murid-murid: Kurang! Kurang!
Cikgu: Sudah! Sudah!
Murid-murid: Belum! Belum!
Cikgu: Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?
Murid-murid: Sebab saya seorang pandai!
Cikgu: Oh! Melawan!
Murid-murid: Oh! Mengalah!
Cikgu: Kurang ajar!
Murid-murid: Cukup ajar!
Cikgu: Habis aku!
Murid-murid: Kekal kami!
Cikgu: O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid-murid: K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!
Cikgu: Sudah, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Belum, pandai!
Cikgu: Berdiri!
Murid-murid: Duduk!
Cikgu: Saya kata UMNO salah!
Murid-murid: Kami dengar KeADILan betul!
Cikgu: Bangang kamu ni!
Murid-murid: Cerdik kami tu!
Cikgu: Rosak!
Murid-murid: Baik!
Cikgu: Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!
Murid-murid: Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
Cikgu: (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)
Sebentar kemudian, loceng pun berdering.
Murid-murid berasa lega kerana guru yang paling ditakuti oleh mereka telah keluar. Walau bagaimanapun, mereka merasa bangga kerana telah dapat menjawab kesemua soalan cikgu tadi, tetapi esok masih ada.
有些事并不象它看上去那样
Taken from one of the forwarded email I received...
For English version, click here
两个旅行中的天使到一个富有的家庭借宿。这家人对他们并不友好，并且拒绝让他们在舒适的客人卧室过夜，而是在冰冷的地下室给他们找了一个角落。当他们铺床时，较老的天使发现墙上有一个洞，就顺手把它修补好了。年轻的天使问为什么，老天使答到：“有些事并不象它看上去那样。”
第二晚，两人又到了一个非常贫穷的农家借宿。主人夫妇俩对他们非常热情，把仅有的一点点食物拿出来款待客人，然后又让出自己的床铺给两个天使。第二天一早，两个天使发现农夫和他的妻子在哭泣他们唯一的生活来源，一头奶牛死了。年轻的天使非常愤怒，他质问老天使为什么会这样，第一个家庭什么都有，老天使还帮助他们修补墙洞，第二个家庭尽管如此贫穷还是热情款待客人，而老天使却没有阻止奶牛的死亡。
“有些事并不象它看上去那样。”老天使答道，“当我们在地下室过夜时，我从墙洞看到墙里面堆满了金块。因为主人被贪欲所迷惑，不愿意分享他的财富，所以我把墙洞填上了。
“昨天晚上，死亡之神来召唤农夫的妻子，我让奶牛代替了她。所以有些事并不象它看上去那样。
有些时候事情的表面并不是它实际应该的样子。如果你有信念，你只需要坚信付出总会得到回报。你可能不会发现，直到后来...
For English version, click here
两个旅行中的天使到一个富有的家庭借宿。这家人对他们并不友好，并且拒绝让他们在舒适的客人卧室过夜，而是在冰冷的地下室给他们找了一个角落。当他们铺床时，较老的天使发现墙上有一个洞，就顺手把它修补好了。年轻的天使问为什么，老天使答到：“有些事并不象它看上去那样。”
第二晚，两人又到了一个非常贫穷的农家借宿。主人夫妇俩对他们非常热情，把仅有的一点点食物拿出来款待客人，然后又让出自己的床铺给两个天使。第二天一早，两个天使发现农夫和他的妻子在哭泣他们唯一的生活来源，一头奶牛死了。年轻的天使非常愤怒，他质问老天使为什么会这样，第一个家庭什么都有，老天使还帮助他们修补墙洞，第二个家庭尽管如此贫穷还是热情款待客人，而老天使却没有阻止奶牛的死亡。
“有些事并不象它看上去那样。”老天使答道，“当我们在地下室过夜时，我从墙洞看到墙里面堆满了金块。因为主人被贪欲所迷惑，不愿意分享他的财富，所以我把墙洞填上了。
“昨天晚上，死亡之神来召唤农夫的妻子，我让奶牛代替了她。所以有些事并不象它看上去那样。
有些时候事情的表面并不是它实际应该的样子。如果你有信念，你只需要坚信付出总会得到回报。你可能不会发现，直到后来...
Things are not always what they seem
Taken from one of the forwarded email I received...
For Chinese version, click here
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guestroom. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears.Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field? The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn’t find it."
"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later...
For Chinese version, click here
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guestroom. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears.Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field? The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn’t find it."
"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later...
Five Coporate Lessons
Taken from one of the forwarded email I received...
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.?The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.?When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: - If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: - If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof!?She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof!?He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: - Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: - "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you
nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.?The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.?When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: - If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: - If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof!?She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof!?He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: - Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: - "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you
nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
wives are wives
Taken from one of the forwarded email I received...just for some laugh...
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...
21st Century
Taken from one of the forwarded email I received...
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very less
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very less
Five Lessons At Workplace
Taken from one of the forwarded email I received...
Story: 1
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO. As his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything
Story: 2
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see," says the manager thoughtfully. And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"
Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.
Story: 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?" Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese,Vietnamese!, etc......???" The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkey, or monkee?"
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
Story: 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted," VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!........."
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what you say accidentally does happen.
Story: 5
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouts, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries for a month. "Pfufffff, and he is gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouts, "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails for a month." "Pfufffff, and he is also gone. Then it's the boss's turn, and he says calmly, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"
Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first".
Story: 1
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO. As his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything
Story: 2
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see," says the manager thoughtfully. And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"
Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.
Story: 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?" Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese,Vietnamese!, etc......???" The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkey, or monkee?"
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
Story: 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted," VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!........."
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what you say accidentally does happen.
Story: 5
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouts, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries for a month. "Pfufffff, and he is gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouts, "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails for a month." "Pfufffff, and he is also gone. Then it's the boss's turn, and he says calmly, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"
Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first".
Ah Beng - New stuff
Just for some laugh... from an email I received few years back...
Ah Beng - NEW STUFF
********************
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
====================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
==========================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
=========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.
===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."
=========================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for complement."
=============================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
===============================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.
==================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
==================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
===================================================
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"
=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."
Ah Beng - NEW STUFF
********************
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
====================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
==========================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
=========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.
===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."
=========================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for complement."
=============================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
===============================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.
==================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
==================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
===================================================
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"
=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."
The Top 15 Skylines in the World
I received this email in 2008, a good sharing on the few top skylines in the World.
1.Hong Kong , China
Hong Kong is number one on my list for many reasons:Hong Kong has whopping 39 buildings over 200 meters tall. It also boasts four of the 15 tallest buildings in the world... that's all in one city! Hong Kong 's skyline shows a large selection of distinct sky-reaching towers, with beautiful night lighting and reflection. This city exemplifies the post-modern skyscraper and skyline. Finally, the mountain backdrop makes this skyline (as you can clearly see) the greatest on the planet!
Metro/Urban Population: 6.8 million
2.Chicago , USA
ChicagoChicago Chicago has 17 buildings over 200 meters tall (three of which are among the top 20 tallest buildings in the world, including the tallest in North America ). Chicago
Metro/Urban Population: 8.5 million
3.Shanghai , China
Not to be mistaken for a space station,Shanghai China 's biggest and most advanced city, Shanghai Shanghai
Metro/Urban Population: 13.1 million
4.New York City , USA
New York CityHollywood New York City World Trade Center Towers , the Empire State building, the Statue of Liberty and the United Nations, New York City Freedom Tower
Metro/Urban Population: 21.0 million
5.Tokyo , Japan
TokyoTokyo Tower Tokyo is filled with neon lighting and unique, contemporary architecture, and like New York City Tokyo
Metro/Urban Population: 32.0 million
6.Singapore
One of the best (urban) planned and cleanliest metropolitan cities in the world,Singapore
Metro/Urban Population: 3.8 million
7.Toronto , Canada
TorontoToronto is downtown Canada Toronto
Metro/Urban Population: 5.1 million
8.Kuala Lumpur , Malaysia
This is probably the most impressive city worldwide that has less than 2 million residents. Marvelous modern buildings reach the sky here, and while the skyline is not too dense, it does allow buildings to soar and stand out.Kuala Lumpur has three of the 25 tallest buildings worldwide, including the tallest twin buildings, the PETRONAS Towers (which are arguably the second and third tallest overall in the world) as well as the 420 meters Menara Kuala Lumpur Tower
Metro/Urban Population: 1.5 million
9.Shenzhen , China
What was a tiny fishing village on the border ofHong Kong in 1970 is now a buzzing metropolis of over four million people. With 13 buildings at over 200 meters tall, including the Shun Hing Square
Metro/Urban Population: 4.2 million
10.Seoul , South Korea
This city's skyscrapers are divided into many clusters, spread amongst the main businesses and residential districts. Most of the recent growth inSeoul Seoul Seoul
Metro/Urban Population: 20.8 million
11.Sao Paolo , Brazil
"What building did you say they lived in?" Finding it in the largest mass of condensed apartment buildings anywhere would be like finding a needle in a haystack. Sao Paolo has a population of over 18 million people! While the buildings are not super tall (with only a single structure at over 200 meters tall) this skyline is nevertheless stacked. Sao Paolo has a fleet of over 500 helicopters, the second largest helicopter fleet in the world.
Metro/Urban Population: 18.3 million
12.Sydney , Australia
AustraliaSydney Sydney Harbour Harbour Bridge Sydney Sydney
Metro/Urban Population: 4.2 million
13.Frankfurt , Germany
Certainly one of Europe's most interesting cities in terms of skylines,Frankfurt is home to five structures that are over 200 meters tall. These modern skyscrapers are marvels compared to those other, mostly non-existent ones scattered across European cities. The contrast here is interesting: The city combines low-rise, high-density traditional European architecture (some of which is over 1,000 years old), with modern towers that stick out like sore thumbs, but are impressive nonetheless.
Metro/Urban Population: 4.1 million
14.Dubai
Is this a mirage in theMiddle East ? Seemingly out of nowhere emerges a city in the middle of a desert. This is Dubai
Metro/Urban Population: 1.6 million
15.Guangzhou , China
Metro/Urban Population: 4.1 million
1.
Hong Kong is number one on my list for many reasons:
Metro/Urban Population: 6.8 million
2.
Chicago
Metro/Urban Population: 8.5 million
3.
Not to be mistaken for a space station,
Metro/Urban Population: 13.1 million
4.
New York City
Metro/Urban Population: 21.0 million
5.
Tokyo
Metro/Urban Population: 32.0 million
6.
One of the best (urban) planned and cleanliest metropolitan cities in the world,
Metro/Urban Population: 3.8 million
7.
Toronto
Metro/Urban Population: 5.1 million
8.
This is probably the most impressive city worldwide that has less than 2 million residents. Marvelous modern buildings reach the sky here, and while the skyline is not too dense, it does allow buildings to soar and stand out.
Metro/Urban Population: 1.5 million
9.
What was a tiny fishing village on the border of
Metro/Urban Population: 4.2 million
10.
This city's skyscrapers are divided into many clusters, spread amongst the main businesses and residential districts. Most of the recent growth in
Metro/Urban Population: 20.8 million
11.
"What building did you say they lived in?" Finding it in the largest mass of condensed apartment buildings anywhere would be like finding a needle in a haystack. Sao Paolo has a population of over 18 million people! While the buildings are not super tall (with only a single structure at over 200 meters tall) this skyline is nevertheless stacked. Sao Paolo has a fleet of over 500 helicopters, the second largest helicopter fleet in the world.
Metro/Urban Population: 18.3 million
12.
Australia
Metro/Urban Population: 4.2 million
13.
Certainly one of Europe's most interesting cities in terms of skylines,
Metro/Urban Population: 4.1 million
14.
Is this a mirage in the
Metro/Urban Population: 1.6 million
15.
Metro/Urban Population: 4.1 million
Why mom is the best...
I received this email a few years back, very touching, thanks to the person who contribute this...
Mum's love
When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you
You thanked her by crying all night long.
When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away when she called.
When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love.
You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.
When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons.
You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.
When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays.
You thanked her by plopping into the nearest.
When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school.
You thanked her by screaming , "I'M NOT GOING!".
When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball.
You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor's windows.
When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice-cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons.
You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she she took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
When you were 13 years old, she suggested a haircut.
You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14 years old, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15 years old, she came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16 years old, she she taught yo how to drive her car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17 years old, she was expecting an important call.
You thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18 years old, she cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19 years old, she paid for your college tution, drove you to campus carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 20 years old, she asked whether you were seeing anyone.
You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."
When you were 21 years old, she suggested certain careers for your future.
You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to be like you."
When you were 22 years old, she hugged you at your college graduation.
You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.
When you were 23 years old, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.
You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.
When you were 24 years old, she met you fiance and asked about your plans for future.
You thanked her by glaring and growling, " Muuhh-ther, please!".
When you were 25 years old, she she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 30 years old, she she called with some advice on the baby.
You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now.".
When you were 40 years old, she she called to remind you of a relative's birthday.
You thanked her by saying you were "really busy right now."
When you were 50 years old, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on your HEART.
IF SHE'S STILL AROUND, NEVER FORGET TO LOVE HER MORE THAN EVER...
AND IF SHE'S NOT, REMEMBER HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND PASS IT ON...
ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LOVE THY MOTHER, BECAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE ONE MOTHER IN YOUR LIFE TIME!!!!!
Mum's love
When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you
You thanked her by crying all night long.
When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away when she called.
When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love.
You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.
When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons.
You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.
When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays.
You thanked her by plopping into the nearest.
When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school.
You thanked her by screaming , "I'M NOT GOING!".
When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball.
You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor's windows.
When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice-cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons.
You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she she took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
When you were 13 years old, she suggested a haircut.
You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14 years old, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15 years old, she came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16 years old, she she taught yo how to drive her car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17 years old, she was expecting an important call.
You thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18 years old, she cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19 years old, she paid for your college tution, drove you to campus carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 20 years old, she asked whether you were seeing anyone.
You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."
When you were 21 years old, she suggested certain careers for your future.
You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to be like you."
When you were 22 years old, she hugged you at your college graduation.
You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.
When you were 23 years old, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.
You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.
When you were 24 years old, she met you fiance and asked about your plans for future.
You thanked her by glaring and growling, " Muuhh-ther, please!".
When you were 25 years old, she she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 30 years old, she she called with some advice on the baby.
You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now.".
When you were 40 years old, she she called to remind you of a relative's birthday.
You thanked her by saying you were "really busy right now."
When you were 50 years old, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on your HEART.
IF SHE'S STILL AROUND, NEVER FORGET TO LOVE HER MORE THAN EVER...
AND IF SHE'S NOT, REMEMBER HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND PASS IT ON...
ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LOVE THY MOTHER, BECAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE ONE MOTHER IN YOUR LIFE TIME!!!!!
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